


Jean loved

by Moonwanderer



Series: SnK [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Friendship/Love, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hope, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss of Faith, One Shot, Sad, Wings of Freedom, jeanmarco, survey corps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-06 00:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18840118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonwanderer/pseuds/Moonwanderer
Summary: There were a lot of things Jean used to love.





	Jean loved

**Author's Note:**

> But he lost all of them.
> 
> An angsty short character study of Jean.
> 
> I am not a native speaker, so mistakes may be found.  
> I do not own the characters, etc., etc.,...

Jean loved, like every person should, deep, innocent, and full of wonder.

He lived in a world of dark and mysterious things, in the false safety of a crumbling cage, hidden -but not forgotten- from the outside world. Life strictly controlled and held back by boundaries, and still he had place for love in his young, trusting heart.

Jean loved Marco, his dearest friend, all of his passion for justice, and unbelievable innocence. He loved his big brown eyes, the warmth of his hands, and all of the star-like freckles on his sun-kissed skin. He loved the nights lying by his side, the safety his presence meant, and the future they planned together after the hard years of training. Losing him felt like being torn apart, and he stood in front of the pyre, not knowing where he belonged anymore. The nights are restless since then, and he burned his dreams with his friend, and all the love he was ready to give.

Jean loved Mikasa, this fair-skinned beauty of East, with her piercing gaze and silky hair, oh, that night-coloured, beautiful hair. He loved the way she moved, silent and graceful, and the way she fought, powerful and with fire within. He loved that she acted tough and meant business, and that she had no fear of the unknown. Hell, he loved her loyalty too, despite it was for another guy. Then secrets were unveiled and their world fell apart, and so did she, step by step, as her grip on control slipped away. Now when he looks at her, it’s not love he feels, but pity, almost repulsed by her slave like obedience. Her hair is still beautiful though, and as the Sun dances on her strands, Jean thinks about how things can change.

Jean loved Krista, so kind and fragile, a shimmering gem on the bottom of the riverbed. He loved her golden head, her smile, bright and understanding, her tiny hands, and flowery scent. She was like an angel, not fitting into this cruel world, where the beautiful things die. He loved how fierce could she be when it came to protecting a friend, and how nice she was towards everyone. Then the truth was revealed about her identity, and she became a queen, distant both in space and rank, and her eyes lost their light. Now she is just an empty shell, a fallen angel, with no other choice than to serve, a puppet for the greater good, unwise to be loved.

Jean loved Reiner, hell, even him, because he reminded him of a big brother he never had. He was strong, so freakingly strong, and still wise with it, not using his strength to abuse but to help. He loved how cheerful he always was, and how he made sure everyone was safe around him. The betrayal shook him to the core, and as the false walls of safety crumbled down, his love turned into hate, leaving no place for mercy behind.

Jean loved Armin’s mind, cause honestly, it’s not easy to love Armin himself- there has always been something unsettling about him,- oh, but his mind! Jean was fascinated by it, how quickly he can think, how accurately he could calculate, how calm he could stay even in the most desperate times. He loved listening to his ideas, plans, or just anything he was talking about, really, cause as he spoke his words came alive in Jean’s mind, and it felt brilliant and wonderful, and the world felt bigger and not so dark. Nowdays, though, Jean fears the times Armin shares with him his mind. He has seen its twists, had a chance to glance to the depths, and witnessed the cold and cruel manners he manipulates others with the same words once gave him hope, and honestly, it just freaks him out.

Jean loved Eren’s eyes, but who didn’t? They were like the ocean, or at least that was what Jean thought, cause he’d never seen the ocean before. Armin always described the ocean to be infinite, and that was what Jean felt every time he looked into those eyes. He loved their shape, the long lashes which cast shadows on his skin, and how his irises could change colours- in a way no other eyes can do. He loved the way they pierced into his soul, loved the fire in their depths, loved how pretty they were despite of all the madness surrounding. Now Eren is just months away to death, and his eyes lost their fire, the very one which mesmerized him, and he just completely went insane, fighting for things Jean never understood. Now when their gazes meet, Jane feels no awe but bitterness, hating him for robbing him of all the hope he once offered with those lovely, ocean-coloured eyes.

Yes, Jean once loved, even in the darkest hours, things he thought worthy of fighting for. How just a few years can change everything!

He is in his twenties and cannot love.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, feel free to leave a comment!  
> Negative comments or comments of displeasure are also welcome, you can help me improve by pointing out my mistakes.


End file.
